Greek and Hebrew Words: Your Inspiration

Do you ever have an idea or concept in your head that simply cannot be put into words? Are you looking for inspiration for a new tattoo, or perhaps a name for your new club, ministry or nonprofit organization?

Are you a fan of using archaic words or objects because they transcend the phoniness of our modern age?

It sounds like you could benefit from developing a shallow but workable vocabulary of Hebrew and Greek words. Let me take a minute to explain why this is a good idea.

Ancient languages are obscure, and obscurity is in. Forget tattoos with Chinese letters and symbols, those went out of style around 2003. Hebrew and Greek? They are the next big thing.

I’m telling you this in confidence so that you can hop on the cool-train before it even leaves the station. Why? Because I like you.

Need a name for your church retreat? Flip through a New Testament Greek Lexicon, flap your fine finger on any one line, and you got yourself a new name!

Example: “Come join us on the Honeydale Community PRAUTES church retreat in November. PRAUTES is the Greek word for spirit, because we’re all spirits, you know?”

The beauty of using an ancient language for your new tattoo or organization name is that not only are the words deep, Biblical and smart-sounding, they are also aesthetically beautiful.

They just look SO COOL! You don’t need a huge tattoo, just get the Hebrew word “hesed,” (which means steadfast love), on the inside of your forearm. Your peers will be entranced.

Besides, if you are a theology major, it is pretty much a requirement that you get a tattoo in either Greek or Hebrew, for New and Old Testament scholars respectively. That’s how we know you are legit, that you really know your stuff.

One final way these words are useful is in the way they help us avoid chronological snobbery, or the false notion that our thinking and way of life are getting better and better as time goes on.

The truth is that we would all be better off if we could just go back to the good old days when things were perfect like in the days of the early church.

Selective use of Greek and Hebrew words ripped out of their Biblical context is a great way to tap into the inherent goodness of old things.

So get out there, you! Start planning out that ministry retreat and sketching your next tattoo idea. Shalom and agape. E pluribus unum. Jonny Strain Columnist

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The Smudge: Students too busy and intelligent for Core

It’s bad enough that I hate Whitworth, have no friends because I’m mean and am wasting all my parents’ money by going here when I should be working at Dairy Queen. However, it is infinitely worse that while I am here, I have to go to something as pointless, worthless and trivial as Core. Let’s be real. If I wanted to learn about Hinduism I would just go to China or Iraq. I am a Christian for a reason: Because it’s the TRUTH. If Whitworth is a Christian school, shouldn’t we be studying Christianity? Was Plato a Christian? No. He’s probably in hell, and we’re studying his ideas like they were dipped in gold and kissed by Christ himself.

And I don’t get why Leonard Oakland gets so excited about it. I mean, I understand that he has a PH.D, has taught literature for longer than I’ve been alive, has read 6.5 million books, and is essentially Wisdom Incarnate, but his enthusiasm for Core is definitely misguided. I just think that like, everyone has their own truth, and who are we to question that? I mean, we learn about all these different ideas and thinkers, and they have great ideas, I’ll give them that. But that’s their truth. Why should those ideas be imposed on me? Everyone has their own reality and own sense of value, and it just isn’t right for them to impose these other ideas on us. I just don’t have time to waste energy on something like Core. I am a college student. I can’t do dumb things like worldview papers when I am busy enough as it is complaining about SAGA or building giant forts in my dorm room. I am trying to put into practice Aristotle’s golden mean, by balancing the amount of Core readings I do with the time I spend farting on my roommate’s bed.

When am I ever going to use this information? Why should I be given an opportunity to explore the fundamentals of my thinking? Why should I be forced to examine the philosophical underpinnings of the very way I perceive reality? It’s just stupid for them to make me do that, and a waste of time. Just give me some grace. It’s not like I haven’t at least tried to get into it. I studied for 7 hours straight for the first test and didn’t even sleep. But those tyrants who run the class failed me, and I know they did it on purpose because they were threatened by my worldview. Anyway, I’m all worked up now. I think I’m gonna go play Call of Duty.

Jonny Strain Columnist

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The Smudge: Coloradoans over zealous about Colorado

Coloradoans over zealous about Colorado We are only in our fourth week or so of classes, and already students all over campus are sick of their Coloradoan peers constantly informing them about the wonders of their glorious  place of origin.

Have you met a Coloradoan yet? You would  know if you have. It would actually be exceptionally surprising if you have not yet had this pleasure, seeing as how a Coloradoan will seize any opportunity to dive into an unsolicited monologue about their love of nature, mountains, and truth; three things that are apparently woven into the very fabric of their souls.

If they are actually gracious enough to wait for your authentic inquiry as to the whereabouts of their hometown, they will instantly be taken to another world. Their eyes will sparkle and rise upward, as if fixated on the snow-capped tip of Pike’s Peak. Their gaze will then snap back to yours as they peer deep into your soul. Eventually they will rediscover the faculty of language and reply, with great veneration, “I…I am from…..COLORADO!”

It is actually rumored that Coloradoans are not born, but rather emerge from the stone and pine of the mountains, a wondrous coalescence of the wild and spirited beauty that is COLORADO.

A typical conversation with a Coloradoan might sound like this:

“Hey Colorado Mike, how’s it going? Isn’t Mount Spokane beautiful?”

“Yeah, it’s ok. But have you ever been to the Garden of the Gods? I spent an entire summer there once, reflecting on the transcendent nature of its inexplicable beauty. I actually wrote a poem about it, if you would like to hear it.”

What you need to understand is that they are not trying to sound haughty and pretentious. They really aren’t. In fact, I have found that, generally, they are actually very likeable people.

I know it is a pain to deal with their eccentricities and overwhelming sense of pride, but hang in there! Because when it comes down to it, one very simple and painful fact remains: we’re stuck with them.    Jonny Strain Columnist

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