In a perfect world, all breakups would be mutual. People could carry on with their lives and be the best of friends. Sadly, most breakups are not mutual, involving the heartbreakers and the heartbroken. The heartbreakers feels like better people if they say these five words: We can still be friends. People find joy in being with a significant other, but, when a breakup occurs, their world can turn upside down with a snap of a finger. Even friends who dove into a relationship can find themselves in an awkward stage as they wonder what to do next.
Some may say it is impossible to be just friends with someone whom you have shared so many experiences with. Whether the relationship had lasted years or just a few months, it is hard to look at that person in a new light.
This is because certain things the couple was once accustomed to have been taken away.
That person may have been your rock. You m
ay have cried on his or her shoulder and confided in him or her your deepest secrets.
Once a breakup occurs, that person may not be there anymore, or it may seem awkward to confide in them in the same way.
Another reason it seems impossible is that there are two sides to a breakup.
One person feels bitter about the breakup and still wants things to work while the other person may be talking to someone new without any intention of thinking about the other romantically.
There may be casual “hook ups,” which do not constitute just friendship or no talking at all.
With all this said, I pose a question: Is it possible to be friends with your ex?
According to CNN Living, it is possible to restart a friendship with the person who once made you lovesick. As strange as it may seem to look at that person differently, it can be done.
First, there should be a period of mourning over the death of the relationship. There has to be a difference between really wanting a friendship and just not wanting to move on.
People forget that there needs to be time for both parties to heal and adapt a new mind-set. There has to be time to process what happened and work toward the future.
Time also gives the heartbroken person a chance to get over his or her ex and try to meet new people or just immerse his or herself in life.
Furthermore, there should be a discussion about boundaries and emotions. Both parties should be on the same page so they can evaluate their new relationship with each other.
Finally, it should strictly be a friendship. If both parties are flirting with each other, continuing to ponder their old relationship together or doing relationship-type things, a friendship cannot be fostered.
Notice that this whole time I have focused on reestablishing a friendship with an ex. If one tries to move directly from a breakup into a friendship, there may be some problems, especially if the relationship was serious.
That is why the time factor is key. If time is not allowed, things may turn ugly. So once the crying and screaming are over, you can still enjoy that person being a part of your life.
Once both parties can find themselves on the same page and realize that both desire continued friendship, there is nothing stopping it from happening.
By Remi Omodara
Graphic By Eva Kiviranta