Query: “I went on a couple dates with this guy. It fizzled out because we both weren’t feeling it. Now I literally see him everywhere. What do I do to keep calm?”
It seems to me that you are experiencing the “I-never-see-this-person-unless-I-don’t-want-to-see-them” syndrome. I have been there and I understand how annoying it can be! A couple of things that can ease the tension could be to first ask yourself why it bugs you so much to see him everywhere? Have your feelings truly fizzled or do you need to process the relationship a bit more? I find that usually Expectancy Violation Theory is at work in fizzled-out relationships. Sometimes we idealize a person and then we set incredibly high expectations for them. Unfortunately, our expectations don’t match reality and so we begin to feel disappointed and unsatisfied in the relationship. Take a hard look at your expectations and then evaluate your feelings toward this person. Try to bring your expectations for them back down to earth. If everything fails, be brave and have a conversation with them. It will bring closure to you and will make you feel relaxed when you see them because everything will be out in the open. Free yourself from feeling anxious when you’re on the Hello Walk and get back in control of your own thoughts and feelings.
If you have any thoughts or questions about life, write in to this column. We would love to open up your questions to campus via this advice column.